Finding yourself in a sexless relationship isn’t something you just discover one bright day. Often, just realizing that your relationship isn’t just going through a temporary phase but a full-blown freeze-out takes time as it’s a difficult thing to admit, even to yourself.

However, if you want to fix your sexless relationship, you must face facts and be ready to fight for your relationship, knowing that this might take time and that you may face rejection along the way. If you keep your head buried in the sand, you will never find the strength to take action.

And take action you must because the very worst kind of advice a person in a sexless relationship or marriage can get is to do nothing, hoping this will go away. It won’t change unless you deal with it and work through it. If you’re looking for some form of help for your sexless relationship, you need to first look within you. It’s in your power.

Identify a possible trigger

The first step you need to take is to consider possible triggers. Often, people lose their passion for their partners due to some fight or resentment. You’d be surprised how resentment can fester and grow for a long time. It’s possible that due to some form of disagreement (something you though was long solved), that your partner is in some form punishing you. He or she may still love you, but they are punishing you, often without even knowing it.

If you do find a trigger, now is the time to clear the water between the two of you. It might be enough to bring back the passion. However, there is not always an apparent trigger. Dig deep, but don’t lose heart if you don’t find an obvious reason.

The cursed routine

Routine is one of the biggest enemies of passion. Routine is often boring, repetetive by nature, and far from exciting. Couples often full into a routine – the wrong kind of a routine and this kills the passion between them.

To make sure this doesn’t happen to you, make it a habit to try out new things together (and I’m not just talking about the bedroom). Try out new activities like hiking, trekking, dancing, eating out at different places. The key is to get back to a dating mode. To bring back the excitement of dating. And it can be done regardless of how long you two have been seeing each other.

Communication

Naturally, communication is the key of any good relationship. You need to be open with one another. You can talk about the sexless state of your relationship, but don’t cast blame. This will never help. Make sure to express your love and promise to work through the problems you have. If your partner loves you, he or she will make the effort.

Final Note

I don’t recommend marriage for people in sexless relationships. There is nothing magical about marriage which will help. Work through your problems first and only then move forward in your relationship.

You can do a lot to heal your relationship. Read the right following articles for you:

Being in a sexless relationship is not something most people would be proud of. In fact, in our society, we are often judged by the state of our marriage and no one wants to become a topic of gossip.

When your marriage or relationship becomes sexless, this is even harder to talk about as there’s a grea taboo on this topic and while society is slowly coming to grips with it, there is still quite a ways to go before this can be openly discussed without all sorts of silly people smirking, laughing, shaking their heads, or thinking nasty things about you or your partner.

This is why a lot of people tend to keep the fact that they’re living in a sexless relationship to themselves. They don’t want other people to know about what they’re going through. They want to be able to make it seem like everything is alright. They don’t want to feel embarassed.

But is this really a good thing? Is this the course of action you should take? Should you keep the fact that your relationship has lost its passion to yourself or should you share it?

Naturally, there are pros and cons to sharing this with someone that you need to consider. In the end, the decision is ultimately yours alone. No one can make it for you.

Let’s go over some of the things you need to consider, both the pros and the cons.

Pros:

- One of the traps you shouldn’t allow yourself to fall into is trying to make everything appear to be alright. You may end up believing it yourself. It’s very easy to disregard what’s really going on in your life and hope that things will improve on their own. They probably won’t. You need to take action to fix your sexless marriage. It won’t happen otherwise.

- Telling someone your troubles is therapeutic. It can bring a lot of relief. Doesn’t it feel like a heavy burden that you’re carrying, this secret? Trust me, it may be a great feeling of satisfaction to share this with someone and not feel alone anymore.

- You’re in this relationship. You feel the anguish, frustration, confusion, and pain involved. You may be unable to come up with solutions or good ideas to make it better. This is where a new perspective may come in handy, may prove to be the way to a better reality. You can only find this person if you’re willing to share what you think with someone.

Cons:

- Naturally, there is some risk in exposing yourself. You need to make sure you share this with someone you can trust to keep this to themselves.

- Don’t let telling someone else prevent you from addressing this issue with your partner. This is the one true way to solve this.

I do believe that sharing can be a good idea. Find a good friend, someone loyal to you, and seek their advice. It can be one of the best things you’ve ever done.

According to surveys, more than 10% of married couples are living in sexless marriages. That might look like a small number, but in reality, this translates to over 20 million couples. Look at it that way and you can imagine the magnitude of the problem.

Many people think that there is absolutely no sex in a sexless relationship. But this is a misconception. In reality, sex may not be completely absent. Some therapists even put a minimum number for a marriage to be called sexless, the most common statistic being fewer than 10 times a year. But for some people, even twice a week may seem insufficient. What people want varies from person to person. So, there can be no rules regarding this. If you feel like you’re not getting enough physical intimacy from your spouse, your marriage is sexless.

It is wrong to believe that there is no love between spouses in a sexless relationship. This need not be the case. In fact, most people stuck in sexless marriages are deeply involved in the marriage and are reluctant to walk away. They may stay in a less-than-fulfilling relationship for years. That is why it is important to find a cure for a sexless marriage as quickly as possible.

To cure a sexless marriage, one must first understand the cause behind the lack of intimacy. People may experience the lack of intimacy due to:
- Commitment overload
- Stress
- Financial problems
- Fear of losing a job
- Strain of keeping up with children
- Medical problems
- Medication

Identify the reason behind your particular problem. Once you identify the problem, you are ready to start solving it.

Another huge problem that anyone in a sexless marriage will have to deal with is the lack of communication. You could probably be stonewalling each other. You can’t have a communication when one of you is sleeping on the couch. Communication can resume only after you have identified the problem and both of you are willing to resolve it.

Once you are communicating with each other effectively, the going is slightly easier. At the very least, you are united in your desire to find a solution, and that could itself become the strongest bond between the two of you.

Once you’re talking, it is important to have some time dedicated only to yourselves. No kids, no TV, no Twitter and no aimless web surfing. Just you, your spouse and some music.

If you are ready to initiate physical intimacy, it is better to have some sort of an agreement beforehand. That way, there will be no pressure of expectations and both of you know where you’re going with this newfound intimacy.

A marriage cannot succeed unless there is some amount of compromise. So, it is always recommended that there be some give and take, whatever the issue is. The same applies to sex. Even if you’re not in the mood, indulge your partner.

Take small steps at a time. Little by little, you will open up to the old feelings of passion.

One of the hardest things which people who live in sexless marriages need to do is to talk with their spouse openly and constructively about how their marriage is doing.

This is a highly embarrassing and painful subject so it is not easy to broach. In addition, you may accidentally talk about it in the wrong way so that your partner will shut you out or will otherwise not be responsive.

If you are ever to fix your sexless marriage you should be able to talk about things in an environment of trust, openness, and love. This isn’t such an easy thing to do but it can be done and must be done.

Here are some tips:

1. Don’t set ultimatums unless you’re sure you want to – You can set an ultimatum just once if you want it to continue being effective. You can’t expect to be taken seriously if you make empty threats. Therefore, only threaten separation, divorce, or anything else if you’re prepared to carry this threat through.

2. Don’t cast blame on your spouse (and not on yourself either). Casting blame will cause your partner to shut you out. He or she will not listen to you as you’d like them to. Therefore, present your sexless marriage as a couple’s problem and not your spouse’s problem alone.

3. Be positive – Talking in a positive tone with positive sentences is a great way to elicit the response you want. Instead of saying something like: “we don’t have enough sex”, say something like “I would like to have more sex. It’s something I long for”. This is a positive sentence which immediately sets a better atmosphere for the entire conversation.

4. Don’t make this a daily conversation – You can’t talk about the same thing day in and day out. It will drive your spouse crazy. Make sure that you lead a full life and talk about other things as well.

5. Make sure to express your love – This is a hard thing to talk about so make sure your spouse knows that you still love them even when your sex life has diminished. This will help make the conversation easier and smoother.

6. Talk about how you feel frankly – Make sure to truly express what you feel in a way which will really get through to your spouse. Don’t be shy as you’ve come a long way in even broaching the subject. Lay it all out. Be open and frank.

7. Ask your spouse’s opinion on what needs to be done to improve things. Make him or her a part of the process. It’s important to get their cooperation for every step to be able to fix your sexless marriage

I believe in making the most out of any situation. It’s a good principle which can make life much better no matter what. Even if you’re living in a sexless marriage you should always seek ways to become more happy in it. The question is how can this be accomplished.

It’s a tough question because sex has a very important place in a marriage – for a reason. Sex is part of the glue that holds a marriage together. When you are just getting to know your mate, good sex brings you close emotionally and physically. As the years go by, sex is as much as expression of affection as it is of need. It is something that we all expect to be part of a marriage. A marriage doesn’t even seem like a marriage without it.

So, it takes a lot to be happy in a sexless marriage. You need to make a big mindset switch. If there is no intimacy in a marriage, one or both partners could be feeling the strain of emotional estrangement.

Here are some tips to help you remain happy in a sexless marriage:

First, be honest with each other in exploring the reasons for the lack of sex. Is it that you have suddenly lost interest in sex altogether or just in sex with your partner? If it is the latter, you might find it difficult to be honest with your mate. But, you need to let them in on the painful secret.

According to marriage counselors, nagging and blaming can kill marital happiness faster than anything else. So, if you want to stay happy in a sexless marriage, you have to get past the bitterness. You need to stop blaming each other or yourself. What good would it do, anyway? What if the blame is yours or your spouse’s? It does not change reality. It certainly doesn’t make it better.

Even if sex is out, you could still find fulfillment in your marriage by being intimate with each other. Kiss, snuggle and hold each other. Express your need for each other in a way that satisfies you emotionally.

Even if your marriage has become sexless, there is no need to act as if you are asexual. Instead, go on frequent dates with your mate. Do all the fun things you used to do together. Give yourselves a break from the hard feelings. Try to touch each other often and slowly build up the physical intimacy again.

A purely celibate relationship is a great strain on your psyche. But, if your spouse is worth it and if you are unwilling to walk away from the wonderful history you share with a great human being, then, you need to try hard and walk the delicate line.

One of the main questions which people ask after they purchase and read one of our best selling books on how to fix sexless relationships is how fast will they see results. How soon will they be able to get the sex back into their relationship?

I can fully understand the need for urgency: in some cases people have been living in a sexless marriage for years and they see little hope in every improving things. They feel as if they’ve waited long enough. They want things to change and they want them to change as soon as possible.

I’m afraid that my answer isn’t going to be a good one: it may take weeks and it may take months. It’s impossible to tell in advance since each relationship is different than the other. However, a quick solution is unlikely as the problems you may be facing which are the real cause of your sexless marriage may not be so easy to fix. They may require a lot of work and time to correct.

Some of the factors which determine how soon you’ll be able to feel your partner snuggled up in your arms are:

1. How long it has been since you’ve had sex or since you’ve seen this deterioration in your sexual encounters. The longer it has been, the harder it will be to resurrect the passion. It is simply the way habits work: the longer they’ve been a part of your life, the more effort is required to break them. Nothing is impossible, in my opinion, but you need to be realistic.

2. Is the love still there? With some couples the lack of sex is a sign of a deeper lack of feeling. If the emotions have died, it takes a much deeper healing process to bring back the relationship to any kind of state worth keeping. It can take a while. It may also never happen at all.

3. Is there a physical problem – Generally, as we’re not doctors, the books we’ve written don’t deal with physical problems. They deal with relationship issues. If a man is incapable of having an erection due to physical problems or a woman suffers from some injury to her private parts, it is out of our hands. In some instances, certain medications can lead to a lower sex drive. These issues should be discussed with your doctor and often a solution will be easy to find.

4. How dilligently do you work to improve your relationship and make it vibrant and fun again. This is something only you can know for yourself. We try to show you the way in our books, but only you can do what it takes to cope in your sexless relationship and improve the interaction between you and your partner.

Regardless of how long it takes, don’t give up. If your marriage is worth saving, fight for it. It’s up to you to make it last and thrive.

In a society where we are constantly bombarded by thoughts of sex, it might seem impossible to be happy in a sexless marriage. In fact, sex is no longer limited to being an expression of love and desire. It has become a symbol of youth, vigor, passion and personal achievement. If you strip sex of all these, then it is simply a means of ensuring emotional and physical intimacy.

Research suggests that approximately 1 in 20 couples in their 30s are celibate. These couples stay together, live contentedly and are apparently happy to be the way they are. So, what is the secret to keeping happy in a sexless marriage?

First of all, understand that the lack of sex is not going to kill you. Sex is not a physical necessity. It’s not like food. It is something that you can do without or with very little of. A celibate relationship can be a happy one, though it needs more work than a normal relationship simply because it lies outside the norm. However, this doesn’t mean that it is wrong or can’t be done.

The biggest issue in a sexless marriage is that of agreement. When both partners agree, for whatever reasons, that they feel content with the lack of sex in their marriage, it is possible to live happily together. Problems arise when there is a mismatch in the sex drive of both partners. At such a time, one partner may feel stressed by the pressure to perform while the other partner may feel hurt by the lack of intimacy. To be happy together, it is necessary to expunge these discordant notes. This is the only way to cope in a sexless marriage. There has to be a real agreement that both spouses accept and are satisfied with.

The secret is to accept the lack of sex as a reality. If your partner is incapable of giving ‘it’ to you and you feel that the relationship is richly rewarding in every other way, then you have to work at accepting what you have. It is human nature that when something is denied us, we begin to obsess about it. Stop obsessing; get out, find new interests to occupy your thoughts. Naturally, you can also try to fix things, but if you feel that this is pointless, than accepting the reality is what you must do.

For a celibate relationship to work, both partners have to decide on how they will establish physical intimacy, and when they need to draw the line. For instance, are you still allowed to kiss your spouse goodnight or does this make him/her feel uncomfortable? You have to be pre-decided on what you would do as a couple, if one of you feels the need for sexual gratification.

At the bottom of all the controversy and the seemingly shocking statistics related to sexless marriages is the simple fact that many long-term relationships ultimately become sexless, without the relationship rupturing.

However, coping in a sexless marriage does not mean that you cannot recifty the situation and get the sex back into your relationship. In fact, many couples are doing it today.