Common Causes of a Sexless Marriage And How To Begin Working On A Solution

Unhappy woman in a sexless marriage

According to marriage statistics, there are more than 40 million people living in sexless relationships in the  US  alone! In fact, most marriages seem to hit the rock of platonic love at some time or the other. When a couple has sex 10 times each year or less it is said that they live in a sexless marriage.

Why is this happening to so many people? What has your own marriage come to this point? It’s important to answer this question for you to begin working toward a solution.

The fact is that there are many causes for this. Some may apply to you and some may not. Each couple and relationship is unique, so some things may be relevant for you and some will not be.

Causes of a Sexless Marriage – Here Are The Common Issues

1. Boredom and routine

When you live with a person for a long period of time, repetitiveness and boredom set in. This could be one reason why sex starts happening once a week, then once a month, and then once every quarter or even less. It is a shame that this happens, yet it is very common. Even for people who don’t live in a sexless relationship, this happens. Often it comes in cycles or lower and higher frequency of lovemaking.

The way to overcome this is to be open to try out new things, to not allow yourself to go into a routine which is boring and dull, and to be open and communicative with your partner about what is happening. Don’t wait for boredom to become the new standard for your marriage. Take action soon so it won’t come to that.

2. Childbirth

Having children is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not careful, your relationship with your spouse may suffer for it. For some couples, sex dies with the birth of children. This happens for various reasons:

  • Some women experience sensory overload because of the demands of their little ones.
  • Changing hormones have something to do with it.
  • It could be that at the end of the day you’re both too tired to think of sex.
  • The man begins to view his wife as a mother more than as his sexual partner.
  • Children often lead to more stress and anxiety which can create a rift in a relationship.

3. Lack of Time

Many couples say that the root cause of their sexless marriage is the lack of time. You are both working and you come home dead tired. You do lots of things together, but sex is not one of them. Usually, chores and obligations are the things which take up most of your time together and mindless TV watching takes up the bulk of the rest.

As we all are busy, lack of time is a real problem which has many effects, not just on your sex life. The only thing I can say is that you need to change your priorities and place sexual intimacy closer to the top of the list. If you do, then you will be able to find the time. If you don’t then this will continue being a problem.

4. Physical Reasons

Injury, accidents, or the side effects of certain drugs can lead to a reduction in a person’s sex drive. Menopause may also be at fault.

You should see your doctor and ask for advice on this issue. Go over your medication and see if any of the listed side-effects include diminishing sex drive. Often, you will find that this is the easiest cause to fix.

5. Fights and Rifts

Residual resentment from big fights that were not resolved properly, ego clashes, misunderstandings and extramarital relationships may also lead to the lack of intimacy in marriage. You need to be open with your partner about these issues and strive, together, to solve them. This cause requires the joint work of the two of you.

6. Stress

Whether it is work related, due to bad finances, or anything else, stress is a mood killer. Of that there is no doubt. You need to work hard to ensure that you and your partner are as free of stress as you possibly can be. You may not be able to control every aspect of your partner’s life, but you can certainly influence your home life.

Try to make your home as stress free as possible and allow your partner time to relax. Engage in stress reducing activity and you shall find it much easier to get the sex back into your life.

In a nutshell, sexless marriages just do not happen overnight. There is often a root cause that keeps growing for a long time until it leads to the breakdown of intimacy. So, it is wrong to believe that the lack of sex is the cause of marital breakdown. In fact, lack of sex is just a symptom of deeper, unresolved problems from the past.

I’ve given you some of the common causes of a sexless marriage. Now, it’s up to you to see which of them apply to your life and work harder to fix your sexless marriage before it’s too late.

sad woman in a sexless marriagewomen click hereWomen Click Here to discover how to get your husband or boyfriend interested in sex once more and restore the passion you once had.
sad man holding his headmen click hereMen Click Here to see how to eliminate the confusion and frustration and once again feel true intimacy with your wife


  1. Jay says:

    I believe ours is Lack of Time and Stress. Additional add-on is my 55lb weight gain. Don’t get this wrong, it’s not my WEIGHT that is the issue but the self-esteem issues and the unhappiness that progresses from the weight gain. We have recently just discussed this in where he was finally forthcoming. We have made agreements and “deals” so to speak and are moving forward with. These also include changes on his part that he brought up to me that he feels would help up as well.

    • admin says:

      Hi Jay,
      This seems like a good step in the right direction. I hope that you can work things out.

    • Laura says:

      You have it backwards. The weight gain is the result of unhappiness and low self esteem. Your weight gain may aggravate the problem but you had the problem before the weight gain. Why are you stressed? Your weight loss efforts will not be successful until you get to the real reason you are eating too much. When did you start to gain weight? What was going on in your life at that time? Deal with that first.

  2. Sid says:

    Seems these people don’t believe in life or sex after age 55? Wonder if there is anyone who does!?

  3. Caren says:

    Hi Kate, it’s really a relief to know am not alone in this, it bugs me so much and now I just don’t give a damn anymore. Please, I live in nigeria. How do I get your book? I really need your book. Thanks, Caren.

    • admin says:

      Hi Caren,

      Our payment processor doesn’t accept payments from Nigeria, I’m afraid. Please contact me and I’ll see what I can do.

  4. jody says:

    I’ve been reading so many of your articles and relating to almost everything…only to find out that this page no longer exists…:( we need some serious help here and I’m hoping you can send me some information, tips, and suggestions on how to bring the intimacy back and mend all of these hurt feelings…thank you.

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The names Kate Dixon and Dean Mason are pseudonyms used by the authors.