According to marriage statistics, there are more than 40 million people living in sexless relationships in the US alone! In fact, most marriages seem to hit the rock of platonic love at some time or the other. When a couple has sex 10 times each year or less it is said that they live in a sexless marriage.
Why is this happening to so many people? What has your own marriage come to this point? It’s important to answer this question for you to begin working toward a solution.
The fact is that there are many causes for this. Some may apply to you and some may not. Each couple and relationship is unique, so some things may be relevant for you and some will not be.
Causes of a Sexless Marriage – Here Are The Common Issues
1. Boredom and routine
When you live with a person for a long period of time, repetitiveness and boredom set in. This could be one reason why sex starts happening once a week, then once a month, and then once every quarter or even less. It is a shame that this happens, yet it is very common. Even for people who don’t live in a sexless relationship, this happens. Often it comes in cycles or lower and higher frequency of lovemaking.
The way to overcome this is to be open to try out new things, to not allow yourself to go into a routine which is boring and dull, and to be open and communicative with your partner about what is happening. Don’t wait for boredom to become the new standard for your marriage. Take action soon so it won’t come to that.
Having children is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not careful, your relationship with your spouse may suffer for it. For some couples, sex dies with the birth of children. This happens for various reasons:
- Some women experience sensory overload because of the demands of their little ones.
- Changing hormones have something to do with it.
- It could be that at the end of the day you’re both too tired to think of sex.
- The man begins to view his wife as a mother more than as his sexual partner.
- Children often lead to more stress and anxiety which can create a rift in a relationship.
3. Lack of Time
Many couples say that the root cause of their sexless marriage is the lack of time. You are both working and you come home dead tired. You do lots of things together, but sex is not one of them. Usually, chores and obligations are the things which take up most of your time together and mindless TV watching takes up the bulk of the rest.
As we all are busy, lack of time is a real problem which has many effects, not just on your sex life. The only thing I can say is that you need to change your priorities and place sexual intimacy closer to the top of the list. If you do, then you will be able to find the time. If you don’t then this will continue being a problem.
4. Physical Reasons
Injury, accidents, or the side effects of certain drugs can lead to a reduction in a person’s sex drive. Menopause may also be at fault.
You should see your doctor and ask for advice on this issue. Go over your medication and see if any of the listed side-effects include diminishing sex drive. Often, you will find that this is the easiest cause to fix.
5. Fights and Rifts
Residual resentment from big fights that were not resolved properly, ego clashes, misunderstandings and extramarital relationships may also lead to the lack of intimacy in marriage. You need to be open with your partner about these issues and strive, together, to solve them. This cause requires the joint work of the two of you.
Whether it is work related, due to bad finances, or anything else, stress is a mood killer. Of that there is no doubt. You need to work hard to ensure that you and your partner are as free of stress as you possibly can be. You may not be able to control every aspect of your partner’s life, but you can certainly influence your home life.
Try to make your home as stress free as possible and allow your partner time to relax. Engage in stress reducing activity and you shall find it much easier to get the sex back into your life.
In a nutshell, sexless marriages just do not happen overnight. There is often a root cause that keeps growing for a long time until it leads to the breakdown of intimacy. So, it is wrong to believe that the lack of sex is the cause of marital breakdown. In fact, lack of sex is just a symptom of deeper, unresolved problems from the past.
I’ve given you some of the common causes of a sexless marriage. Now, it’s up to you to see which of them apply to your life and work harder to fix your sexless marriage before it’s too late.