In a society where we are constantly bombarded by thoughts of sex, it might seem impossible to be happy in a sexless marriage. In fact, sex is no longer limited to being an expression of love and desire. It has become a symbol of youth, vigor, passion and personal achievement. If you strip sex of all these, then it is simply a means of ensuring emotional and physical intimacy.
Research suggests that approximately 1 in 20 couples in their 30s are celibate. These couples stay together, live contentedly and are apparently happy to be the way they are. So, what is the secret to keeping happy in a sexless marriage?
First of all, understand that the lack of sex is not going to kill you. Sex is not a physical necessity. It’s not like food. It is something that you can do without or with very little of. A celibate relationship can be a happy one, though it needs more work than a normal relationship simply because it lies outside the norm. However, this doesn’t mean that it is wrong or can’t be done.
The biggest issue in a sexless marriage is that of agreement. When both partners agree, for whatever reasons, that they feel content with the lack of sex in their marriage, it is possible to live happily together. Problems arise when there is a mismatch in the sex drive of both partners. At such a time, one partner may feel stressed by the pressure to perform while the other partner may feel hurt by the lack of intimacy. To be happy together, it is necessary to expunge these discordant notes. This is the only way to cope in a sexless marriage. There has to be a real agreement that both spouses accept and are satisfied with.
The secret is to accept the lack of sex as a reality. If your partner is incapable of giving ‘it’ to you and you feel that the relationship is richly rewarding in every other way, then you have to work at accepting what you have. It is human nature that when something is denied us, we begin to obsess about it. Stop obsessing; get out, find new interests to occupy your thoughts. Naturally, you can also try to fix things, but if you feel that this is pointless, than accepting the reality is what you must do.
For a celibate relationship to work, both partners have to decide on how they will establish physical intimacy, and when they need to draw the line. For instance, are you still allowed to kiss your spouse goodnight or does this make him/her feel uncomfortable? You have to be pre-decided on what you would do as a couple, if one of you feels the need for sexual gratification.
At the bottom of all the controversy and the seemingly shocking statistics related to sexless marriages is the simple fact that many long-term relationships ultimately become sexless, without the relationship rupturing.
However, coping in a sexless marriage does not mean that you cannot recifty the situation and get the sex back into your relationship. In fact, many couples are doing it today.