Lack of passion in your married life driving you crazy? If it’s any consolation, you are not alone. A good number of married couples enjoy sex less than 10 times a year. Shockingly, many couples even live in complete celibacy. It’s only because there’s a lack of coverage in the media and discussion about this issue that it seems so rare. It is, in fact, quite common.
The lack of sex does is not the end of the road, but it is an indication that your marriage is on shaky ground. It is high time you took action to make it stable again.
Dealing with a sexless marriage requires a lot of tact and perseverance from both partners. First of all, you need to understand why you are staying with your partner in spite of your obvious unhappiness. There must be something there. There is still love between you, happy moments, closeness, and the desire for more time together.
When you get married, you are accepting a package deal. There are all sorts of things you learn to accept about your mate, some of which you may not love as much as others. However, the fact that he or she does not ‘have the hots for you’ is difficult to accept. It is something you weren’t prepared for and seems like something that you can’t compromise about.
Still, there are people who feel that, for reasons best known to themselves, they cannot walk away from the marriage in spite of the lack of intimacy. If that describes your situation, then, you have to take the decision responsibly, examining what it means to you in the long run.
Marriage poses a number of tough challenges along the way. Lack of intimacy is one such challenge, though a crushing one. Successful couples are those who believe in working out each problem as it arises. The most important thing is to face the problem head-on, together. Don’t let the problem drive a wedge between you. It is YOUR problem, not his or hers. It is both of you working to solve one problem.
Some people might find it embarrassing to discuss their problems openly. Going to a counseling session together could be a good idea, if only so you can both speak your minds without feeling threatened or angry. You can avoid counseling altogether if you can both sit down and have a healthy, constructive conversation. But remember, no yelling and no recriminations.
If your partner is denying you sex, then, you may be facing underlying issues which need to be brought into the open. If problems from the past are raising their ugly heads, you need to resolve these issues before you move forward. It does not happen the other way around.
One of the best ways to cope with a sexless marriage is to keep it as normal as possible while dealing with the situation in all honesty. You must not allow the lack of intimacy to sabotage your happiness. Go out, have fun, share the ups and downs in life. Also, do not ignore your problem. Ignoring it and going on as if nothing is happening is the surest way to disaster.