One of the main questions which people ask after they purchase and read one of our best selling books on how to fix sexless relationships is how fast will they see results. How soon will they be able to get the sex back into their relationship?
I can fully understand the need for urgency: in some cases people have been living in a sexless marriage for years and they see little hope in every improving things. They feel as if they’ve waited long enough. They want things to change and they want them to change as soon as possible.
I’m afraid that my answer isn’t going to be a good one: it may take weeks and it may take months. It’s impossible to tell in advance since each relationship is different than the other. However, a quick solution is unlikely as the problems you may be facing which are the real cause of your sexless marriage may not be so easy to fix. They may require a lot of work and time to correct.
Some of the factors which determine how soon you’ll be able to feel your partner snuggled up in your arms are:
1. How long it has been since you’ve had sex or since you’ve seen this deterioration in your sexual encounters. The longer it has been, the harder it will be to resurrect the passion. It is simply the way habits work: the longer they’ve been a part of your life, the more effort is required to break them. Nothing is impossible, in my opinion, but you need to be realistic.
2. Is the love still there? With some couples the lack of sex is a sign of a deeper lack of feeling. If the emotions have died, it takes a much deeper healing process to bring back the relationship to any kind of state worth keeping. It can take a while. It may also never happen at all.
3. Is there a physical problem – Generally, as we’re not doctors, the books we’ve written don’t deal with physical problems. They deal with relationship issues. If a man is incapable of having an erection due to physical problems or a woman suffers from some injury to her private parts, it is out of our hands. In some instances, certain medications can lead to a lower sex drive. These issues should be discussed with your doctor and often a solution will be easy to find.
4. How dilligently do you work to improve your relationship and make it vibrant and fun again. This is something only you can know for yourself. We try to show you the way in our books, but only you can do what it takes to cope in your sexless relationship and improve the interaction between you and your partner.
Regardless of how long it takes, don’t give up. If your marriage is worth saving, fight for it. It’s up to you to make it last and thrive.