According to surveys, more than 10% of married couples are living in sexless marriages. That might look like a small number, but in reality, this translates to over 20 million couples. Look at it that way and you can imagine the magnitude of the problem.
Many people think that there is absolutely no sex in a sexless relationship. But this is a misconception. In reality, sex may not be completely absent. Some therapists even put a minimum number for a marriage to be called sexless, the most common statistic being fewer than 10 times a year. But for some people, even twice a week may seem insufficient. What people want varies from person to person. So, there can be no rules regarding this. If you feel like you’re not getting enough physical intimacy from your spouse, your marriage is sexless.
It is wrong to believe that there is no love between spouses in a sexless relationship. This need not be the case. In fact, most people stuck in sexless marriages are deeply involved in the marriage and are reluctant to walk away. They may stay in a less-than-fulfilling relationship for years. That is why it is important to find a cure for a sexless marriage as quickly as possible.
To cure a sexless marriage, one must first understand the cause behind the lack of intimacy. People may experience the lack of intimacy due to:
- Commitment overload
- Financial problems
- Fear of losing a job
- Strain of keeping up with children
- Medical problems
Identify the reason behind your particular problem. Once you identify the problem, you are ready to start solving it.
Another huge problem that anyone in a sexless marriage will have to deal with is the lack of communication. You could probably be stonewalling each other. You can’t have a communication when one of you is sleeping on the couch. Communication can resume only after you have identified the problem and both of you are willing to resolve it.
Once you are communicating with each other effectively, the going is slightly easier. At the very least, you are united in your desire to find a solution, and that could itself become the strongest bond between the two of you.
Once you’re talking, it is important to have some time dedicated only to yourselves. No kids, no TV, no Twitter and no aimless web surfing. Just you, your spouse and some music.
If you are ready to initiate physical intimacy, it is better to have some sort of an agreement beforehand. That way, there will be no pressure of expectations and both of you know where you’re going with this newfound intimacy.
A marriage cannot succeed unless there is some amount of compromise. So, it is always recommended that there be some give and take, whatever the issue is. The same applies to sex. Even if you’re not in the mood, indulge your partner.
Take small steps at a time. Little by little, you will open up to the old feelings of passion.