Marriage, at its core, is the mating of two bodies which paves the way to the fusion of two hearts. For men and women, this primeval physical closeness is necessary to establish emotional and mental intimacy. So, when your mate avoids sex continually and rejects you over and over it can get extremely hurtful. Your sense of self esteem gets eroded. At some point, you begin to question whether there is something wrong with you and if this could be causing the problem.
If your spouse throws accusations at you, the situation gets worse because your worst fears are confirmed. You begin to accept that the root cause of your sexless marriage is YOU! Unfortunately, this increases your pain and adds to the strain in your marriage.
Keeping your self esteem when you live in a sexless marriage is a challenge. I want to help you to do well in this challenge and to be able to see yourself as you really are: a good person, worthy of love and affection. You need to be capable of loving yourself before you try to fix your sexless marriage.
The key to surviving self esteem issues in a sexless marriage is to focus on the positive. Given below are a few tips:
1. No More Self Blame
Stop blaming yourself for your sexless marriage. This is not something which is specific to you. Millions of people live in the same state. Some are young and others old. Some are thin and some are fat. Some are beautiful and others average. Happy couples are also very diverse.
This thing happens and it is very common. There is not special thing which is wrong with you. It is mostly bad luck. So, end the self-blame. Don’t let it fester within you and ruin your life. It is simply not real.
2. You Are Not Just A Spouse
Things are looking dark in terms of your marriage, but this doesn’t mean that your entire life, in all its different aspects, is bad as well. You are more than just a spouse. You are the entirety of the things you do, the people you love, the good that you bring to the world. Remember that there is a lot of things that make you wonderful and focus on them. You just need to bring more of that wonderful into your marriage.
3. You Are Not Ugly
I know that you may feel ugly or undesirable. It’s a natural assumption for someone whose husband doesn’t want to have sex or whose wife is not in the mood. However, attractive people also find themselves in a sexless relationship. It has little to do with looks.
I want you to look into the mirror every day and SEE the beautiful, healthy, fit individual looking back at you. If you feel that you have not been taking care of yourself physically, go to a gym or beauty parlor and get a fresh look. Dress attractively. Do what you need to feel better. However, remember that this is likely no the reason, or the only cause of your sexless marriage.
4. Pursue Your Habits
Involve yourself in activities that boost your self esteem. If you are a good painter or writer, do what you love. Joining a group and getting out of the pain in your marriage will help you find yourself again and bring back the knowledge of how worthy you really are.
5. Get Some You Time
In the struggle to fix their sexless marriage, many people focus all their time and energy on their relationship. Do not let that happen to you. Pay attention to your likes and dislikes. Make yourself the priority of your life. This can do wonders for your self esteem.
It Actually Helps
We all know that people with high self-esteem are more attractive. This is why you need to keep yours high: it may actually help you in your relationship. So, do this to make yourself feel better and to get back the intimacy you deserve in your life.