The intimate connection that results from sex is often the glue that holds a marriage together. As human beings, we are hard-wired to crave a special sense of intimacy with another person. That is why people who are in a sexless relationship feel lonely, heard, depressed and emotionally unfulfilled.
But what makes a marriage become sexless? Where is the line drawn between a normal low frequency or intimate relations and the actual definition of a sexless marriage?
Definition Of A Sexless Marriage
According to experts, a sexless relationship is one in which the frequency of sex has dwindled to 10 times or less in a year. Statistics suggest that more than 15% of couples in America come under this category. This is how definitions are made: some number has to be set and people or situations are defined by being on either side of it.
This may seem a bit arbitrary as the desire for sex, or libido, is a purely personal matter. You cannot quantify it in general terms. Your libido is affected by a number of factors ranging from cultural and personal beliefs to the number of years you have been married, medical conditions and age. These sort of definitions may be good for text books and scientific articles, but they may not suffice when it comes to each person’s own feelings about their marriage.
A sexless marriage is not necessarily a marriage in which there is no sex and I don’t believe that the line should be drawn at 10 times a year or less. A person in their 30s may feel that they are in a sexless marriage when they get sex only about once or twice a month. For a couple in their 60s, this frequency could be quite satisfying. So, a more acceptable and not rigid definition of a sexless marriage is a marriage in which one or both partners feel that they are not getting enough physical intimacy.
Is Your Marriage Sexless
There are some obvious signs that alert you to the possibility of your marriage going the sexless way. The first of these is when the frequency of regular intimate contact begins to decrease dramatically and that it stays that way for a long time. Of course, in most marriages, the initial fervor dies down after some time. Still, many couples work out a pattern that keeps them both satisfied. But if you find that even the smallest and simplest of gestures is unwelcome, then you may be in for trouble.
There are times when you find that the onus of taking the initiative is always on you. If you feel that you are the only person in the relationship with the drive to be intimate, it is time for a long talk with your spouse.
The final symptom of a sexless relationship is the emotional repercussion you feel when your partner actively rejects you. You may feel inexplicable sadness and loneliness, or a sense of frustration and desperation. These are all signs that your marriage could be heading for trouble.
So, in my mind, each person has a personal decision if and when he or she decide that their marriage is in trouble or that it has become “sexless”. The accepted definition will not apply in many cases. This is your happiness and you should be in charge of it.
Sexless marriages can be turned around. However, for this to happen, it is important for couples to take corrective action as quickly as possible to turn their relationship around and get the fire of passion started again.